Popular Nigerian dancer and choreographer, Kafayat Oluwatoyin Shafau, widely known as Kaffy, has shared a deeply personal and painful story from her childhood, shedding light on the emotional abuse she suffered growing up.
Speaking on a recent episode of The Honest Bunch podcast, Kaffy recounted how, at the age of 13, she was accused by her mother of having an affair with one of her boyfriends. The accusation led to a traumatic experience that left long-lasting emotional scars.
According to Kaffy, her mother became increasingly insecure after divorcing her father, and began dating different men. As a child growing up in a broken home, Kaffy said she and her siblings naturally sought father figures in these men and became fond of them, even calling them “daddies.”
“She had different men she dated after divorcing my dad,” Kaffy said. “We were young and looking for that father figure. So, when these men came around, we bonded with them. We would call them daddy. But the closer we got to them, the more insecure my mum became.”
The dancer, known for her electrifying performances and record-breaking dance marathons, said one particular incident stood out and marked a turning point in her childhood.
“One day, one of the men was shaving and accidentally cut himself,” she recounted. “I saw it and went to help him clean the blood. As I was doing that, my mum walked in. Immediately, she jumped to conclusions and assumed something else was going on. She stripped me naked in the parlour and flogged me in front of everyone, including that man.”
Kaffy explained that the public humiliation and physical abuse were not only painful, but also deeply confusing. “I was only trying to help,” she said. “I kept wondering, why would my own mother think that of me? That kind of trauma doesn’t go away easily.”
Now in her 40s, Kaffy has become one of the most respected figures in Nigeria’s dance and entertainment industry. But behind her success is a story of resilience in the face of childhood emotional abuse, neglect, and misjudgement.
She said the experience affected her mental health and made her develop insecurities of her own. “When a mother begins to see her child as competition or a threat, it damages the child’s self-worth,” she said. “You begin to doubt yourself. You question your own value.”
Despite the trauma, Kaffy said she made a conscious decision to rise above the pain and forge her own identity. “I had to break free from that emotional blackmail and abuse. It was a battle, but I refused to let that experience define me,” she said.
Kaffy was born and raised in Nigeria. She rose to fame in the early 2000s through her energetic dance performances and later broke the Guinness World Record for the “Longest Dance Party” in 2006. She is the founder of Imagneto Dance Company and has become a role model for young dancers across the country.
Over the years, she has also been outspoken about mental health, self-discipline, and breaking negative generational patterns. Her recent revelation adds more context to her advocacy work.
Many Nigerians have taken to social media to praise her for her courage in speaking up, especially about a topic that is often considered taboo in many African households – the emotional and psychological damage that can occur within families.
Kaffy’s story highlights a broader issue affecting many Nigerian children emotional abuse within the home. While physical abuse often gets more attention, emotional abuse, such as wrongful accusations, humiliation, and manipulation, is less discussed but equally damaging.
Experts say that unresolved emotional trauma in childhood can lead to low self-esteem, trust issues, and mental health challenges later in life.
According to a 2021 report by UNICEF, more than 6 out of 10 Nigerian children experience some form of psychological abuse in their homes. The report also noted that many of these children do not receive adequate support or counseling.
Kaffy’s story is not just a personal account; it is a wake-up call to parents, guardians, and society at large. Her experience shows how broken homes and lack of emotional support can negatively affect children even those who go on to achieve public success.
She concluded the interview with a message of hope and healing, encouraging others who have faced similar situations not to let their past define them.
“You don’t have to carry that pain forever,” she said. “You can grow, heal, and become the best version of yourself no matter where you’re coming from.”
