Former Senator Shehu Sani has strongly criticized the recent remarks by the 16th Emir of Kano, Sanusi Lamido Sanusi, who reportedly encouraged wives to “slap back” if their husbands hit them.
Sani, known for his outspoken views on social issues, called this advice destructive and dangerous, warning that it could lead to more harm, including divorce.
On his official Facebook page, the former Kaduna Senator expressed his disagreement with the Emir’s controversial statement, stressing that violence cannot be the solution to marital conflicts.
“The idea of slapping back is harmful,” Sani said. “Violence leads to more violence, and it will only escalate the problem, tearing families apart.”
Sani’s comments were in direct response to a public speech by Emir Sanusi, who reportedly told a gathering of women that they should slap their husbands back if they were slapped. The statement sparked outrage and raised serious concerns about the Emir’s approach to managing marital disputes.
A Call for Communication and Self-Control
In his response, Sani emphasized the importance of communication and self-control in relationships. Rather than encouraging retaliation, he urged couples to find peaceful ways to resolve conflicts.
“Marriage is about understanding and patience. When there is a disagreement, take a break, calm down, and avoid shouting or fighting,” Sani advised.
He further highlighted the power of a simple apology in healing wounds. “The sentence ‘I’m sorry’ has a magical power that can remove bitterness from the home,” he said, stressing that conflict resolution requires effort from both partners.
Sani suggested that when a spouse feels threatened or unsafe, walking away from the situation is the best option. He advised women to leave and seek refuge with their family members if their husbands became violent.
“If the man becomes violent, the wife should protect herself by walking out to her family’s home or the home of her own relatives,” Sani recommended.
The Danger of Escalating Violence
Sani raised concerns about the long-term consequences of such advice, especially in a culture where domestic violence is a significant issue.
“What is the possibility that if you slap your first husband, you won’t slap the second one?” Sani questioned. “This behavior can create a cycle of violence, where each conflict leads to more harm.”
He warned that encouraging retaliation could set dangerous precedents for future generations. “If you grew up in a home where your father slapped your mother and your mother slapped him back, what kind of message does that send to children?” Sani asked. “How did your parents resolve their problems? Did it teach you that violence is the way to solve disputes?”
Sani’s concern underscores a broader issue in many Nigerian households, where domestic violence remains a persistent and underreported problem. By encouraging wives to retaliate, the Emir’s statement could normalize physical violence as a solution to marital disagreements.
Reflecting on Upbringing and Personal Responsibility
The former senator also reflected on the importance of one’s upbringing in shaping how individuals handle conflict. He emphasized that violence in a marriage can be traced back to patterns learned in childhood.
“Look at your own upbringing,” Sani said. “Did you witness your father hitting your mother? Did your mother fight back? This cycle of violence is something we must work to break.”
According to Sani, it is essential for people to learn healthier ways of resolving disagreements, especially in marriage. He argued that violence should never be normalized, and that couples need to take responsibility for breaking harmful patterns.
A Critique of Society’s View of Divorced Women
In his message, Sani also addressed the societal stigma faced by divorced women, particularly those from Northern Nigeria, who often move to cities like Abuja in search of a fresh start.
Sani criticized the negative portrayal of such women as “glorified prostitutes,” urging society to reconsider its judgment. “These women are simply seeking a better life, free from the struggles of an unhealthy marriage,” he said.
He further pointed out that no marriage is perfect, and everyone has to learn to accept and tolerate imperfections in their relationships. “There is no perfect husband and no perfect family,” Sani said. “We all learn to understand and cope with each other’s flaws.”
A Call for Positive Change
Sani’s comments come at a time when issues of gender-based violence (GBV) are at the forefront of national discussions in Nigeria. Domestic violence remains a significant problem, and the country has seen increasing calls for stronger laws and support systems to protect women and children from harm.
In light of this, Sani’s call for non-violent conflict resolution is timely. By promoting communication, self-control, and respect in relationships, he hopes to inspire a shift away from violence in Nigerian homes.
“Violence should never be a solution to any problem,” Sani concluded. “It only makes things worse, leading to broken families and destroyed lives.”